Stop Bullying! Speaking Up! My Survivor Story

I submitted my story on bullying to The Bully Suicide Project. They have accepted it and posted it on their Facebook page. So check it out!

http://www.facebook.com/photo.php?pid=4481396&id=221347206120

Andrew Smith, 20, College Student

1. Tell Me About Yourself (What are you hobbies, beliefs, likes, etc... )

My name is Andrew Smith. I am 20 years old. My favorite hobbies are reading, riding four-wheelers, listening to music, writing, playing guitar, watching TV, hanging out with my family and friends, and just being myself. I am a Christian who believes in God. My faith has helped me through my life. I also like to play video games with my friends. I love to sing karaoke on the Wii console.

I am attending college and loving every minute of it. I hope to become a writer and maybe a Bible teacher one day. I hope my story can impact kids, who are being bullied. I love listening to Joyce Meyer every single day.


2. Tell Me About Your Personality

My personality is I am quiet and straight to the point. I have been born and raised country. I talk when I have something to say. I like to laugh and have some fun.


3. Tell Me About the First Time you remember being bullied (where, how you felt, the names, you were called, how you dealt with it)

I remember being bullied in Elementary School. I was a very quiet and shy kid in school. I wouldn’t talk to my teachers at all. They would try to convince me to open up and talk. But I wouldn’t. The teachers had no idea that I was being bullied by a girl. This girl would pick on me daily like clockwork. She was relentless in her pursuit in controlling me. She would take my things like my pens, pencils, and anything she could get her hands on in class. I remember one day, two girls started picking on me during recess. It started when the main girl got another girl to join in kicking me in the shin. They both pushed and kicked me. I was on a hill and both of the girls continually kicked me over and over again. The teachers didn’t even see them kicking me. I don’t know if the hill was too high and the teachers didn’t see it or what happened. I wouldn’t talk to them. My parents knew about most of the bullying, but since I wouldn’t open up my mouth in school. The teachers couldn’t do anything, since they didn’t see anything happening. I was so afraid to speak out of fear of being harmed.

Another way is I had a high girly voice during Elementary, Middle, and even some High School. My voice didn’t change until the second year of high school. I was called names like gay and fag. I am straight. One guy posted and told me online that it was because of the way I talked and acted.


4. Names you have been called

Gay, Fat, Fag, Bi, Handwriting messy, Walk Funny, Weird, Never talk, Random


5. Tell Me About how bullying has effected you

Bullying and name calling made me not to be able to trust other people. I was afraid to stand up to them and tell someone. Why get close to them, if they are only going to tell me how to be. People wanted me to be a certain way all the time. It was never enough for them to approve of me. I believed that lie and their lies. It was hard for me to make friends at school. It made me want to be “safe”. It was a longing to be liked by my peers. I would also try to be someone I wasn’t to be accepted.


6. Have you thought about suicide? If so, what did you do about it.

I have thought about suicide. I thought I was worth nothing. I didn’t know what love was. I had a false sense of love in me. I didn’t like myself for a lot of years. I had a deep shame base in me. I didn’t try to ever kill myself, but I have thought it.


7. What are ways you have dealt with suicidal thoughts?

I had to learn to heal from my wounds. My pain has become my message. God always loves me and always approves of me no matter what I do. I can’t change his love for me. I may not always perform perfectly, but he always forgives me.


8. What makes you a survivor?

I am a survivor who was picked on throughout his life. I was always in fear and afraid to speak up, and this is a huge honor and accomplishment that I am able to share my story with you. I didn’t let their comments and abuse control and define me. I didn’t let them change who I am. I had to not let them tear me down anymore. My life was worth living freely. I have a right to stand up and open my mouth. I don’t have to live in fear or being rejected or abused.


9. What is your message of hope to the person just like yourself?

I want to tell kids, teens, and adults to love who they are. Don’t let people’s comments and approvable define and change who you were meant to be. God made you to be special the way you’re meant to be. It doesn’t matter if people say hurtful things about you. They don’t make it the truth about you. You are; who you are. Don’t change because someone thinks you’re too big or too small. If you can’t play sports like they can. If they call you gay because you’re voice is different and high and you’re a guy. Maybe you’re a girl and they make fun of you because of your weight. Their comments don’t make you; who you are. Be the way; you want to be! Being yourself is good enough; don’t let anyone tell you different. Don’t you dare believe their lies, not for a second, or a day, or even a minute! If you are being kicked or picked on stand up and tell someone! If that person doesn’t listen, hold your head up high and tell someone who will listen. Parents, school professions, and bullying hotline numbers are a great start. Just stand up for yourself and tell someone please.


10. The quote that you live by today because of your experience is....

“Difficult situations, ones that are hard to bear, are the ones that give you strength to soar, so do not run away from them. “ Joyce Meyer

“I don't wanna spend the rest of my life And wonder why the world passed me by While I wasn't lookin' or laughing Gonna cut loose from all these chains Turn 'em into a fist full of reigns And ride out cause now there's no doubt Everyday I'm alive you can bet that I’m gonna shine.” Jo Dee Messina - Shine

Here is a CBS Video showing The Bully Suicide Project :

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=De89lMG7pOM

Break Down Your Walls

The fears of life can be very overwhelming at times. We tend to fear the unknowns of life. I guess we realize we can’t control anything in life. If we could control everything we wouldn’t need a Savior.

The walls in life get build around our hearts to protect us from the outside. I have always seemed to put a wall around mine. I let in most of my family but some I think we tend to reject. Yes, we still see them but we don’t really love them for who they are. We’re busy in our own little world. We think they are different why let them in. Maybe they offended us; however, we don’t forgive the person. We think “oh who cares I will just stay away from them”. If I don’t talk to the person they can’t hurt me anymore; instead, we put up a wall to keep them out. We block them out forever, or at least until we see a reason to let them back in. Now, we might wake up in time to change, but what if they are stroked dead the next day. Tomorrow is way too late get to know the person.

I have been there most of my life and I know how the walls work. I have quite a few walls up myself. Why do we tend to block out our family members, antagonists, friends, and other church members? Are they really that different? I know people will hurt you by their comments. If have a choice to move on and forgive them.

Sometimes we are just so selfish including me. I have acted out a lot in life and burnt some bridges. I shut people who hurt me out of my life for good. I am not perfect and I have made a lot of mistakes. I guess the mistakes tell the stories. If it was a perfect day, every day with no problems, we would just find some other way to not be happy.

You can only run from people for so long. Eventually, you will have to face everything in life. Granted you can run forever in life if you choose too. You have freewill to do anything you want to do.

There’s a lot of pain and scary events in life to hide away from.

· Death

· Failing

· Unknown

· Rejection

· Parents Divorcing

· Bugs

That is only a very short list of fears people go through. I don’t know every fear out there and what is easy for you someone else might be afraid of it.

We don’t see what is behind the scenes in people lives. We only see the person they show us too be. There’s a lot of hurting people out there just turn on the news. You don’t have to turn on the news to hear about bad things you still hear the stories. The question is… will you help them?

I know your thinking why should I have problems of my own. You want to know the truth we all do. I don’t have anything to give to the hurting people. I didn’t say anything about giving away money. If they need it help them. Most people just need one thing love and acceptation. They are so different from me. Granted people are different, but that’s the beauty of life. Sorry, they can’t all be like you. I kind of glad about that if they were as quiet as me well… I guess the birds could do more talking than people. I know we all use the excuses. We can sometimes be experts in why we can’t help each other out.

People are the way they are because of things that make up their pasts. Some kids go through numerous problems in life.

· A kid kills himself because he thinks no one loves him.

· Another blames himself for their parents divorcing when he was little.

· Yet, a girl try’s to find love through sex and thinking oh he loves me.

· A parent dies and they don’t know how to handle it

· Peer pressure

· A little guy gets picked on in class and he now has a hard time trusting people

· His peers always reject him and never talk to him- they think he’s different

· The lie that drugs help you feel better about life

· Drinking to forget your problems

· Her father hits her every night

· A little girl is exploited into human trafficking

These problems are extremely real. Sometimes we wish they weren’t but they are. We don’t have control of some things in life but some things we do. Sometimes you have to dig to find the root of the problem and then work to change it.

We find our voids in so many different kinds of things. Most of those, things only fill you up for a limited time. We try the next thing, and the next thing, and still the next thing, and wait the next thing. Wait, let’s go back and try them all again. It’s only a temporary rush then it disappears. The question is it worth it?

We all make mistakes in life that’s why it’s important to forgive each other every day. If you hold on to the hurt you will just take it out on other people. Joyce Meyer once said, “Hurting people hurt people.”

Only God can truly fill you up in life. It takes Faith to trust God in times when your life is spinning out of control. We have to learn to trust God, since he is the only one who knows what’s best for us.

“Take my side, God—I'm getting kicked around, stomped on every day. Not a day goes by but somebody beats me up; They make it their duty to beat me up. When I get really afraid I come to you in trust. I'm proud to praise God; fearless now, I trust in God. What can mere mortals do?” Psalm 56:1-4 (The Message)

“My help and glory are in God —granite-strength and safe-harbor-God—So trust him absolutely, people; lay your lives on the line for him. God is a safe place to be.” Psalm 62:8 (The Message)

“The fear of human opinion disables; trusting in God protects you from that.” Proverbs 29:25 (The Message)

How do you break down your walls? The only way to break them down is to keep going through. Everyone has different stories from different areas of life. I haven’t shared most of my stories. I tend to draw back but I don’t have to hide. If people hurt you in life just keep forgiving them. Don’t shut people out of your life. Let them in! Yes, you might get hurt by people rejecting you. God is always there to help you heal your wounds and move on with your life.

God Bless,
Andrew