Learning to Heal

Week 7

Day 1 – Friday, May 28

Today, I took the day off on my running a 5K.

Day 2 – Saturday, May 29

God didn’t create us to be depressed in this lifetime. He wanted us to enjoy our life every single day. I have been putting off sitting down and writing this. Today, I got really depressed. Sometimes I feel like I don’t even know how to smile and laugh a little. I tend to be serious minded. I am not trying to make you get depressed too. I write to try and help others and myself. I know what’s it’s to carry all of your baggage from your past. I carried anger and my hurts around daily. I have always had the Simon’s in my life. I can even be the Simon. Everyone tries to tell me who I should be. I need to agree with what they are saying. That’s what they are telling me. But that is what Satan wants me to believe. They are the judges and they rule my life or so it seemed that way. I have been called names from a too z and I let them define me. I received the comments and opinions and I let them run my life. Since they seem to know so much right? They define and rule me? Wrong they don’t.

I got knocked down by the wrongs and hurts. But I had to pick myself back up with God’s help. You can’t let life knock you down. As Dolly Parton has said, “We have to get over what is bothering us and get back to living”. She said that statement for her introduction to “Better Get To Livin’” on her “Live From London” album.

Here is the official video for “Better Get To Livin’”:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MKeulwZ3sGE

I have been called fat in some terms and that comment scared me because I let it. I have been called gay and picked on and rejected from time to time. I let someone tell me, I am fat and who I need to be. I didn’t want to relive the pain. I didn’t want to hear that comment. I was insecure. I didn’t know how to love me for me. Not be in love with me. But just like me.

So this weekend, I got knocked down and stayed in bed. I withdrew yet again from the world. I thought if I didn’t open up and get to know people they couldn’t hurt me. But that was just a lie from Satan. I wanted to be accepted for who I am. There are so many people that need and want to be accepted. I looked the last time, I went to a store and most of the store was teenagers. Not one of them looked happy. When are we going to love people for who they are? So what if they’re not the most popular people! Fame and looks won’t last forever. I had to let down my walls and live a little. You don’t have to be so serious all the time. Yes, we do need to take some things in life seriously but not everything. You can laugh and smile! I had to heal, which is painful. But if you don’t heal and let God heal you. You will continue to be broken. God can take your broken pieces and use them to help others. You can get back to living your life! I know what it’s like to be knocked down and broken. Believe me. So why did I write about this? I needed to and let it all out. Life is way too short to not heal and love again. I know it’s hard when it’s someone who is in your family, someone you thought was your friend, or maybe even your parents. But I had to be happy again. I have let it hurt me for far too long. I had to change my thinking and lighted up and have some fun.

You can’t stay in bed all the time and hide from the world. You have to out there and live. Even a Christian Artist, Mandisa got told who to be and hid in her own bed for a little while. She let Simon’s comments bother her. America was watching her to see how she would react to Simon’s comments. She chose to forgive him on live television. I don’t know if I would have responded the same way.

Listening to music is something I enjoy. So, I watched Good Morning America because one of my favorite bands was on there today. Sugarland performed a few songs in Times Square. Jennifer Nettles and Kristen Bush know how to live life to the fullest and smile and perform.

“Why are you down in the dumps, dear soul? Why are you crying the blues? Fix my eyes on God— soon I'll be praising again. He puts a smile on my face. He's my God.” Psalm 42:5 (The Message)

“Fear not, for you shall not be ashamed; neither be confounded and depressed, for you shall not be put to shame. For you shall forget the shame of your youth, and you shall not [seriously] remember the reproach of your widowhood anymore.” Isaiah 54:4 (Amplified Bible)

I am going to start enjoying my everyday life. Life is way too short to hang on to this depression and self-pity. I am going to be happy and be me. Not someone else. I will let God take control and help me change and be who he wants me to be. A song that helped me along the way was one by Faith Hill. It’s called, “This is Me”.

Some of the lyrics are: “Yeah I have my addictions and keep my share of secrets and things you'll never see I get selfish and defensive And pay too much attention to my insecurities Oh I'm just like everybody else I try to love Jesus and myself I don't know what you believe or what you think of what you see but this is a part of me what I do and who I am all my impurities Are right here on my sleeve This is me”

Listen to the song below:

http://vids.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=vids.individual&videoid=29981356

I went a total of 1.47 miles today. I burned a total of 106 calories. I took 3106 steps today.

Tomorrow’s post will be on forgiveness.